It seems I can't get to the blog like I used to. Things are pretty hectic around here I am happy to say.Running a farm is anything but peaceful and it's been a difficult time for all of us I know.
Next to every chair and toilet seat in my house is some sort of self help book at the moment. I feel tremendous need to reasure myself that I am going to be able to keep living the dream here at Paradise.GOD BLESS MY SHRINK!
The dream used to be to make the USET.To go to Badminton and Burghley with my horse.Everyday of my life was centered around interval training and qualifications. I used to be FRANTIC about getting my entries in on time to make sure I didn't get" ballotted out" of an event.I shook until I SAW the postmark go on that envelope at the post office that HAD to be hand delivered in case ANYTHING happened to it. You would have thought it was going to the secret service.
Now I almost feel that way about making the payments on the farm,insurance,blacksmith,ect ect ect on time.Sleep is often a non possibility with the thoughts of how am I going to keep the farm. Paradise is my Olympics now.Survival. One day at a time. Obe HOUR at a time. Not a day goes by here that something doesn't happen to make me question weather or not I am able to cope with this.
The horses are the easy part. I know about the horses. I love teaching. I love competing,hunting training.I love the farm. I am intimate with every blade of grass,every water runoff,and practically every fence post on this place and there are a lot of those!
It is the office stuff that makes me the craziest. I am not good or confident in that area.Most of the time I leave the office shaking,swearing or hysterical.It has a real hold on me. If it weren't for a lot of friends that can listen and help me. I am not sure I'd get through to the other side sometimes.I am in my office usually from 4-8 am and in the evenings.I am convinced it takes me ten times as long to do anything as a normal smart person.You know how you all feel before cross country on a stopper? That's how I feel in my office most of the time.OK you get the picture.
Time to be positive. I have GREAT HELP. At 51, I have a SUPER GROOM ,Miss Barbie that runs the ship,keeps me clean,packs the trailer,handles the vets and blacksmiths,rides with me,hunts,does it all.I was a working student with Torrance Watkins for ten years. NO ONE on this planet has higher expectations than Torrance(compliment),and Barbie has had to learn from a mini tyrant (me).Everything Torrance chewed me out for poor Barbie has heard it all.And she has REALLY climbed a hard ladder and hung in there. She is EXACTLY what I need.
Antonio runs the farm.Without him I would be dead.He does it all and I will give every penny I make to both of them to keep me alive on this farm. NO mistake. Without them there would be no Paradise Farm.I truely believe both these people were sent to me from above.
Quickly,as I must go ride(My office time is up)I wanted to make mention of how the event is coming. I want to THANK everyone out there that is entering. Your entries give me the confidence to invest money and time into a project that I want to be special not only for the farm but for all of you.Jumps are being built. Roads are being improved due to huge rain damage.I am able to hire help and things are moving. I am grateful for yopur support . Your support helps me sleep at night and wake up with a clearer head. It keeps my from feeling like I'm going to lose the farm.Paradise Farm is a big deal to me.It is my Olympics now.AS so many people helped me ride in Europe,support the horses,let me learn through the years,I am hoping the development of this farm will give something back to the sport.It is an incredible piece of property that I hope we can all enjoy for years to come. Thankyou. Gotta GO.