Fighting The Demons

Everyone has their demons.There are confidence,self esteem,courage,control,steering,pace,money,time,and one of my favorites,the keeping up with the jones demons.Comparing oneself with what one sees around,is a realy deadly one.

Sitting in the golfcart for the past week has been a real bore ,I can tell you.Having lots of horses and riders at the farm over the weekend all excited about their outings at Jumping Branch was difficult to swallow.I was so pleased for all of them and everyone had a great time.But it was hard to stay here and watch them all go.I chose not to go over but stay here at the farm and teach.And that was fun.I truely enjoy seeing everyone learn new tools and enjoy their horses.

Barby is hacking out all the devils and the weather has been so beautiful I have to be honest and feel a bit put out about not being able to ride them myself.But I am very lucky to have her ride them and take such geat care of them and this should pass fairly soon.I am having the big boy doctors look at me on tuesday and I HOPE they will just slamm me in plaster and tell me to keep my leg over my head for another 2 months.I HOPE I will be able to at least hobble around Kentucky on my own two feet and not on the D#!!!! crutches.UGH I hate crutches!I am definately not weight bearing by any means but I am also not in enough pain to make me want to stay in bed.So I wander around.Teach a few lessons.Go pick up flowers still left on the XC from the event,watch the horses and then find a few other things to do.

Today I watched last years Rolex and that really sent me to the pits of hell and afterwards there were so many demons around that I came up here to read E mails.Watching how well everyone rode last year made me feel I'll never get back to anywhere.I know that is wrong but sometimes its helpful to someone else out there reading these silly blogs to know that everyone feels bad sometimes.Just last week ,I was so keen to get the devils back preliminary.I was even envisioning Intermediate in the near future with Pickles.

Having gone from over 20 years riding and training advanced ,it is a completely different world when one starts over.I have always been bringing young horses on but always could at least keep my finger in the pie of the upper levels.Riding my current devils and Riverdance is still jumping big fences,it keeps you going.But I am on full stop and can't do it at all right now.

I am not being patient and I am grumpy.I want to ride.GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.So life in Paradise isn't so great at the moment!